"Trying to Put the Pieces Together"

Tomorrow is therapy day. Everyone has agreed to participate...but then again, everyone always says that and backs out as soon as we get there. Doc is giving us an extra 30 minutes...of his own time..we need to get it together and talk...............


"no way...i will talk"
"depends on the subject"
"you gonna tell him abut the suffocation?"
"no dog n pony show"
"oh goody...bring the new poems...dont forget"
"dont wanna go"
"I AM GONNA RANT!"
"just let the woman talk..she hears us"
"i wont be there i have something else to do"

Fine! whatever We will just stop therapy all together!

"no"
"awwwww i like doc"
"please.....noooooooooooo"
"who will help us put the pieces back together?"
"ha....what back together...what, huh?"
"then pinching will start again"
"noooooooo pinchin hurts"
"oh man bruises will be all over us"
"we already have rashes and itching...drives us nuts"

I am Sueann, I am your host....ha ha ha ha ha host...get it?
Seriously, there is a "host" that could possibly and usually is, from what I have read, the first born, meaning born into this world. Then as the abuse begins, other personalities or "alters" are formed. This way the child does not have to endure the abuse...the child can dissociate and not feel the abuse. The alter takes on the pain. As the abuse continues and new traumas evolve, so do the alters. Along with taking on the abuse, an alter can also "hold" the anger surrounding the abuse and trauma. Thus, one of my alters...ANGER. An alter can "act out"...thus another of my alters.....Susannah. How they get their names...that remains a mystery to me. Something I intend to bring up tomorrow with Doc. This explains my huge blanks of memory in my life. It also explains the strange clothing in my closet and driving and arriving at some unknown destination. It explains why I 'misplace' so many things. Yes, it explains a lot...but some many things I just do not understand about DID. How are we ever going to put all the pieces together, in a way that they fit? Everything seems so scattered.
Sueann~


"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".