"The Woman"

The Woman, as we call her, has no feelings or memories of her own. She is our conduit. She drives us to Therapy once a week, she sits across from our Dr. and she says what she hears in her head, from us. This is, of course, not always the case. Some of us "come out" and speak for ourselves. Others come out and color or draw pictures. One of us speaks her mind whenever she feels like it. Personally, we don't get this. More importantly, we don't feel our Dr. does either. We are not text book in nature. Very few times, has one alter interrupted another. The Woman has related to the Dr. that as soon as she sits down in the chair in his office, she senses "others" floating around her, mostly around her head. She told the Dr. it's like having more than one head. Sometimes, no one wants to offer anything. So The Woman just sits there, not knowing what she should do. Confusion sets in, and everything appears to be in a blur. The Woman tries and tries to stay with whatever the Dr. is saying, tries to concentrate, but at times, has to ask the Dr. to repeat himself...or asks what were we talking about?

As we have stated in the past, this diagnosis of DID, is, fairly new to us. Sometimes we just don't believe it, even though facts presented show otherwise. Many, many times we have asked the Dr. "Are you sure we are DID?" His reply, always emphatic, is yes you are. Then he goes on to explain why and how he came to this conclusion. Sometimes we listen, other times we are all debating...are we...or aren't we. Why do we have this sporadic disbelief? Well, sometimes we feel our Dr. "expects" something different than what he is seeing from us. We don't feel this is fair. We are who we are and we act as we do. Yes, we can be stubborn and just refuse to come out during sessions. We don't do this to anger anyone....we just don't have the need to talk that day. Sometimes, we are so sleep deprived, we just want some rest. Other times, we just flat out don't want to talk about what has happened to us. It's unfortunate that this happens during session. Talking about the abuse is difficult, but it is the only way we can heal. It creates havoc and fear inside. In all fairness, to our Dr., he allows us to lead the way...and for that we are grateful. He accepts The Woman and if she just sits there and looks at him, well he fills up the silence with guidance, or coloring, or drawing pictures. We just don't want to be compared to "text book" examples of patients with DID. It is what it is and we are who we are....we are "Us".

Sarah~
MElinda - grades 1-6
The Guardian

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".