"Dis-Connected"

Back from "T".

We spoke of 'Barbra' and the possibility she may be an alter. Only Barbra can put an end to these questions we have. If indeed you are an alter, we welcome you! We want to know you! We no longer fear you!

Disconnected was the general feeling in "T" today. Difficult to follow Doc, to stay with him, to stay centered. So many voices and different thoughts racing through our head. That feeling of disconnection has been growing the past two weeks. It appears, everyone, is keeping to themselves. Perhaps, nurturing, or the lack there of, could be the problem. There are some "little ones" and maybe they feel neglected. Feelings of depression and anxiety are finding their way back to us, once again. Jittery, little sleep, exhaustion, fuzziness are all contributors. However, what is really going on? We feel separated. We feel confused about our life. This trip, tomorrow, going "home" is most likely the reason.....really just guessing here. We are not looking forward to listening to the "mother" and all her negativity. Yet, we still feel sorry for her. So there is that struggle of caring about her, yet being repulsed by her thoughtless remarks and actions. My hair, my weight (and no I am not fat!), yet another failed marriage, my Brother, my Sister, my Dad (step-dad), the neighbors, fat people, what people wear, what people say, her mistreatment, her life........her her her her her! How will we bear all this? Can we hide from her? We can go deep inside and stay there, let "The Woman" deal with her. We wish no one ill will...although, we have the right to do so. A question was posed to me....."What would happen if the Mother said she was sorry?" If she did and was truly contrite, we don't know if we can ever completely forgive her for the abuse and the neglect. We have set it all aside for so many years, not wanting to acknowledge the severeness of what was done to us. We have drifted along for so many years, being kind to her, even attempting to understand her. But can we give complete forgiveness.....we don't know. Please keep us in your thoughts, while we are away. We will return next Tuesday. Safe Hugs to all of you!

"us"

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".