"T" today was a real "awakening" for us.
Our main subject....apparently I am NOT invisible! What is apparent, some people can be self-centered, or possibly they just don't like me, or they have their own issues....but that is okay. Contrary to how I felt, it is not about me, it's their problem. Was it selfish or self-centered of me to think it was about me? Was I wrong in feeling hurt? Is it wrong to feel unworthy of being cared about as a person?
Child abuse destroys self-esteem. Child abuse causes one to feel unlovable. Child abuse causes distorted feelings about one's worth. The horrid things that were inflicted on me, as a child, caused me to wish I were invisible! Now this makes sense! If I had become invisible, I would no longer be hurt. There is still that "sting" when I am purposely ignored, but I have to remember that is one of the ways Mother abused and neglected me...by ignoring me for days! Therefore, when I am ignored now, as an adult, I immediately feel I have done something wrong and I deserve the silent treatment. The truth is...or so Doc told me today...I am a good person, I have and show empathy for others and that I have a great amount of courage to write this Blog. An issue, I have repeatedly brought up in "T", is the fact that I have not made any contributions to this world, that I have just been battered and scattered! Why was I even born, is a question I have ask myself many times. What is my purpose in life? Doc helped me understand, that by writing my life in this Blog, I am giving to others. If I can help just one person get through their own horrors of Child Abuse, by telling my story, by writing my Poetry, then I will know I have created something "good" from all of the "bad" that has happened in my life. I'm going to hang on to that thought....hold it very close to my heart, and every now and then, when I am feeling "invisible", I will remember, I do have a purpose and I am a good person.
Rainbow~
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
4 comments:
1. Thanks for coming over to visit. drop in any time!
2. No, you are NOT invisible, nor I. However, I must remember that many, many OTHERS out there (who look through me as if I ain't here) may have suffered abuse of one kind or another in the past-or present--and feel the same way as you--or as I.
Thank God you have the courage to write about it in a blog. It does YOU good, and you may never know (probably won't know) how many, or who, you have helped...even though they do not comment, write, or whatever!
From where (good word is whence!) came that last paragrapgh. I'm copying it, for future use because I meet many suffering people in my line. Need a reference...
My line? Might as well get it out, I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I have not the slightest idea how I ran into Calli's blog (where I found yours). But when I see one I like, it doen't matter what problems are there--we are all looking for solutions, to living either WITH our problems, or without them (ideal!)...I am one fortunate to be living without them for now.
Bless you, I hope we meet again in these spaces.
Steve E.
Believe I already commented, but forgot...please answer in next blog or a comment what does "T" stand for?
I've been playing in my mind, like maybe a husband named "Tom"? or "T" means Treatment?
Also I ned to be able to attribute the final paragraph in your blog, to someone! Or maybe you don't want it used in ANY fashion, and that's OK, too!
Boy, do I HATE to triple-dip...but this is a correction:
I stated I found you on a blogger named Calli, in error. It was, of course, Just Be Real. (That's what age does to a guy. However, there is ALWAYS that excuse then.
I WILL leave you alone now.Again...sorry.
Ahhhh, precious ones, I am so glad T. (therapy) went well and that you tackled that nasty topic of being invisible, as You Are Not.
If you were, I would not be having an intelligent typing conversation back and forth with you all.
As we are learning Child Abuse is one of the worst, if not the worst, of abuse!
You are an incredible inspiration and blessings to me. Thank you.
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