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Back from "T".
We spoke of 'Barbra' and the possibility she may be an alter. Only Barbra can put an end to these questions we have. If indeed you are an alter, we welcome you! We want to know you! We no longer fear you!
Disconnected was the general feeling in "T" today. Difficult to follow Doc, to stay with him, to stay centered. So many voices and different thoughts racing through our head. That feeling of disconnection has been growing the past two weeks. It appears, everyone, is keeping to themselves. Perhaps, nurturing, or the lack there of, could be the problem. There are some "little ones" and maybe they feel neglected. Feelings of depression and anxiety are finding their way back to us, once again. Jittery, little sleep, exhaustion, fuzziness are all contributors. However, what is really going on? We feel separated. We feel confused about our life. This trip, tomorrow, going "home" is most likely the reason.....really just guessing here. We are not looking forward to listening to the "mother" and all her negativity. Yet, we still feel sorry for her. So there is that struggle of caring about her, yet being repulsed by her thoughtless remarks and actions. My hair, my weight (and no I am not fat!), yet another failed marriage, my Brother, my Sister, my Dad (step-dad), the neighbors, fat people, what people wear, what people say, her mistreatment, her life........her her her her her! How will we bear all this? Can we hide from her? We can go deep inside and stay there, let "The Woman" deal with her. We wish no one ill will...although, we have the right to do so. A question was posed to me....."What would happen if the Mother said she was sorry?" If she did and was truly contrite, we don't know if we can ever completely forgive her for the abuse and the neglect. We have set it all aside for so many years, not wanting to acknowledge the severeness of what was done to us. We have drifted along for so many years, being kind to her, even attempting to understand her. But can we give complete forgiveness.....we don't know. Please keep us in your thoughts, while we are away. We will return next Tuesday. Safe Hugs to all of you!
"us"
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
My Cousin just left, on her way back to Texas. I am happy to say, no make that, over joyed to say we had a great time together! We grew up together and are more like Sisters than cousins. It was so good to see her! I cried like a baby this morning, as she drove away. We did make plans for me to fly down to Texas in June for a visit.
I actually went shopping!!! AND bought some clothes. My cousin bought me some jewelry to go with my new clothes. I won't say that I did not have some "moments" while shopping, cause I did. At one point, we had to leave a store quickly, cause I just could not breathe! I have told my cousin about my "condition", well as much as I understand about it...I am still learning. So she understood, as much as she can, and we left the store right away. An incident happened that scared some of the "little ones". A kid was bouncing this ball in the store, and the ball hit me on the back. The "switching" was immediate! The young ones of "us" became afraid and were fearful the kid would continue to hit "us"....so out the door we flew. "They" were quite shaken and "we" and my cousin found a place to grab some coffee and just sit for awhile. My cousin told me she could actually see the change and fear in me. That validation from her, was truly a blessing, a gift to all of "us".
I was shocked to see all the new styles that are out. It was like traveling back in time. Peace sign T-shirts, jewelry, man it was like I feel all the time, young, in my 20's and I loved it. Why can't every day be like this? To feel happy again, was so wonderful! I had forgotten what happiness felt like.
So back to "our" real world now. We are leaving early Thursday morning to visit Mother. She has not been well. In fact she was taken to the hospital, by ambulance on Saturday morning. Her blood pressure was very high and her breathing was difficult. She was there for a few hours, then released. She had a reaction to some new medication her physician had given her. We had promised her months ago, that we would be there to help with her Spring Cleaning. So we feel we must go. Yes, we are fearful of how things will go, but a promise is a promise.
I feel sad, at the moment. I dread goodbyes. I miss my cousin so much already! She brought joy and laughter into my life, even for just a few days. I love her all the more for that.
Peace!
Susannah with some help from the "others"
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
Hi my friends! Won't be posting until after my out of town company leaves on Monday afternoon. Thank you all for your concern and love and hugs! Still having the headaches! Everyone, please take care of yourselves!
Hug from,
"us
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
The headaches have become just about unbearable! Happening 3 or more times per day. We are taking Excedrin, which was recommended by our Physician, and it does take away the headache for a couple of hours, then the pain is back, once again. We spoke with Doc about this, and he is still of the opinion, a new alter may be forming, or an alter, living within us, may be attempting to surface. Our opinion....yes we have opinions and Doc respects them....is we have not been nurturing our "others", as much as we could be, and this may be their way of getting our attention. So this weekend "we" are going out shopping with our cousin, visiting from Texas. We shudder at the very thought of going out, especially shopping, something that brings back such painful memories, but we are going to do it. We are also going to a movie, and that will be extremely difficult. Can we maintain and sit through an entire movie without saying or doing inappropriate things? So afraid we may laugh, when we should not, cry, when we should not, causing strangers to stare at us, and embarrassing our cousin. We are willing to take that chance. We have been working so hard on our issues, we need to take a break. Perhaps this will lessen the amount of headaches, we surely hope so.
"us"
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
We received an Award! The Love Ya Award from our good friend Steve E. Thank you so very much, Steve! Steve is a kind, happy and loving man. He fought hard to become the man he is today. We are very proud of him! Steve plays the violin, and we would just love to hear him play! Perhaps he has recorded some of his music and will share with us someday.
We are very honored to receive this award! Thank you, again, Steve E. and many hugs to you!
*us*
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
Dear Barbra - I am reaching out to you today, in hopes that you will place your welcomed comments here in "our" Blog.
Just home from "T" and am not so quite confused. It seems we may have been too quick to judge (something done to "us" all the time) my new reader, Barbra. For this we humbly apologize. You said "we" are helping you, in your life. That is the purpose and goal of this Blog....to help all that we may reach, on their life's Journey. We are so sorry, Barbra, in turning away from you. We were frightened because we do not know you. We want you to be our friend. We sincerely hope that you will return soon.
POEM
Out of the mist she
came to be.
Bewildered by
so many "others".
Needing to be embraced
but turned away.
Showing "us" her courage
stepping into the light.
Opening "our" eyes
to another, needing to belong.
Receiving you into our hearts
"our" gift to you.
"us"
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
We have made the decision to take a short break from posting. We want to meet with Doc, before disclosing anymore information about ourselves. Safe Hugs to All! rainbow
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
Back from "T".
