"BLESSED BE"

Hello my friends!

Double Rainbow, taken last night, after a severe thunder storm....so beautiful!

We are still in America, awaiting news of the Visa. Missing my friend more, as each day goes by. He will be visiting and meeting my family in just a few short weeks! Hopefully, I will have my Visa and can return with him to England.

Mixed feelings, as I visit with my family. Attempting to put aside old "hurts" and embrace my family and accept them for who they are, just as I wish to be accepted. Visiting my Sister today. Wish I could say things are better between us, but she is still very distant and does not appear to want a relationship with me. But I have finally accepted that and can live with it. She has handled the "abuse" in her own way and I must respect her decision.

It is not easy, spending so much time in this small town. All the memories, bad, mostly, creep up on me, at times, but I have learned to keep them at bay. I walk.... a lot....and that helps ease my mind. I miss the Sea and the peace it affords me. In my walks, I have revisited the Haunted House, with it's dark windows, which appear to watch me as I walk by. I can not say it is an easy task, walking past that evil house, but it is something I feel I must do. To avoid it, would mean (to me) that it and my abuser still have a hold on me...and I will not tolerate such a horrible thought! I focus on my future, with a joy I have never known before!

My Muse seems to have disappeared! I can no longer write poetry. Perhaps the poetry was a "gift" to help me recover and has now moved on to another in need. I will attempt to write a book, about my life, I may fail miserably, but it's just another "thing" I feel I must do.

To all of you, thank you for staying in touch with me! It means so much to hear from you. I apologize that I no longer post on your blogs. I feel just terrible about it, and I have no excuse...please forgive me.

Miss and love you all!

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".

"HELLO AND GOODBYE"

<------ This is me, at my favorite place, looking out at the Sea.

I will be leaving England, the middle of this month. The past six months have been the best of my life! Oh, I am returning, of this I am certain. I have applied for a VISA, which will allow me an extended stay of possibly 2 years! This is my home, the place I have looked for all my life. I feel safe here, no monsters under the bed, no nightmares, no insomnia, just joy!

My friendship with P has flourished and I am enjoying great conversation, seeing films, learning about "English" football (it's still Soccer, if you ask me ;), even "trusting" again. I have always believed, things happen for a specific reason....even "bad" things. We each have our Life Path, and our Life Lesson to learn, along the way. My beliefs extend to "people" being brought into our lives, also for a specific purpose, some for a short period of time, some for all eternity. We learn from one another, by sharing experiences, making memories together and finding joy, once again, in our lives. P is that "person" in my life. I will be forever grateful for this friendship.

I have made other friends, as well. It will never cease to amaze me that the Universe brings together people who have shared some of the same experiences. In doing so, allows us to draw strength from these shared "issues". Suffice to say, we have formed a "Survivor's Group" and openly "share".

To all of you, I miss you, and you are always in my heart and my thoughts. If I could give you one gift, it would be that you also find the joy and peace I have at last found.

To Doc, who may not even visit here any longer, "we" are doing great! It's almost like a rebirth! I hope that you are well and enjoying life! I would love to stop by and see you when I return to America, but don't know if that is allowed. I will only be in your area for one day, then on to my family home in another state. Know that I think of you often, and miss you as my friend.

Well, friends, that is all for now. I will write again soon. Thanks to "my friend" for asking for another update....it means so much to me, to be loved and remembered.

Peace!

Sueann

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".

"CHEERS MY FRIENDS!"

Hello, my friends! I have heard from several of you and I rejoice that you have not forgotten me! Know that I think of all of you with love each day.

I am still living in England. I will be returning to America in June, to take care of some personal agendas, then returning to England. I can not tell you how very beautiful it is here! I feel so "at Peace" within myself. I have finally found my place in this life.

I am not permitted to work here, as I am not a Citizen, so I am currently on the "call list" to do volunteer work, when needed. Littlehampton is a small town, on the Southern Coast of England. No traffic is permitted in the "Common Area", so shopping is wonderful.

I have been to so many historical areas, including London, where I attended a Peter Gabriel Concert. Although I WAS not familiar with his music, he was amazing! Next, I will see KISS, also in London, and then SANTANA (in London) in October! Music has always been such a huge part of my life and the opportunity to see some of the "greats" is such a gift.

My friend and I go on Mystery Trips (which means I am not told where I am going) nearly every weekend. The awesome history of this Country unfolds before me and just takes my breath away.

To all of you, please let me know how you are! I truly miss each and everyone of you!

My Love,

Sueann

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".

YES, I AM ALIVE AND WELL!!!

Hi Everyone!

This is a picture of the shopping district in Brighton, England.

I arrived in England on December 18th. It is beautiful here! I live a mere 3 minute walk from the SEA (English Channel) and am enjoying the serenity it offers me. I walk every day, along the promenade by the Sea, joined by many local residents, who embrace their good fortune to live so near to such beauty.

I am in good health, both physically and emotionally. Everyone is still with me...and no one has acted "out" since arriving. I don't mean to imply we are not "out" because that would be lying....we are in and out. Susannah (me) is out most of the time, as she is handling this move to a new Country so very well. We are happy! Our Muse seems to have stayed in America, as our ability to write has left us, for the time being. Perhaps, the adjustment period will be over soon and "SHE" will return....we are hopeful, as our writing is paramount to us.

The divorce was final on December 8th, which would have been our 3rd Wedding Anniversary...which caused us much laughter...come on....it is funny. I just received word, that he is losing the house, which he so desperately wanted to keep. Thanks to my Attorney, I was completely relieved of any debt that may be associated with a future foreclosure. Right before my departure for England, I had to go to the house to remove all that was appointed to me in the divorce decree. He came out to tell me he loved me and wanted me to come back to him. I did not reply, but oh I wanted to!!!! I received a letter in the mail from the Judge who presided over my Criminal Charge, and am delighted to tell you, those charges are no longer on my record and the probation has been set aside as well. KARMA!!!!!! Yes, I endured some horrific trials and paid lots of money, convicted of a crime I did not commit, but KARMA has found retribution for me and I am at peace.

My only sadness is missing my family and my beloved dog, Scarlett. She is now 13 and is living, happily with my parents. I talked to her on the phone yesterday, and my Mum said she was licking the phone all the while I was talking to her. I will be going home in late Spring and can not wait to see her.

To Doc, whom I hope still, now and then checks to see if I have posted. Thank you, with all my heart, in pronouncing me sane (lol) which in turn allowed me to go through with my plan to move here to England. I have a postcard for you and will send it soon....promise! I miss you, as my friend, and hope to once again meet with you, as such. I hope that you are taking good care of yourself and that you have found your new puppy. I think of you often, of how much you helped me know all of "US". More importantly, the help you provided in guiding me in the acceptance, of who we are.

Steve, and all my friends, who once followed my Blog...I miss you and think of you often, as well. I hope that all of you are finding your peace and happiness. I can not promise to write here every day, but will keep you updated as to the turn our lives have taken. We love you and miss you.

US

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".

"Update" LOL Steve!

Was planning to wait until the divorce is final before writing again..but "someone" has let us know he is concerned....thank you very much for caring....so this is where we are at this point.

Saw Doc on Monday, for the first time since all of this nightmare began. We were looking forward to seeing him, as we had missed him very much. The thing is, we were unable to "read" him, as we used to....we are at a loss as to what he believes about us. We told the story, we told the truth, but did he believe us? We have no idea. We understand, with our history of losing time, that there is a remote possibility, one of us could have hurt the asshole. But we have discussed this and NO WAY did we do anything to harm him. No, it was not a "we had to defend ourselves" situation either. We have come to accept that there are those that may never believe, will always have doubts about our guilt or innocence. That's okay, we know we did not hurt him....and that is what allows us to sleep at night....finally! We do hope he is NOT sleeping, that his guilt for destroying our spotless record, for upsetting our family and friends, for causing people to doubt us, will relentlessly bother him the rest of his hopefully unhappy miserable life! Do we wish him harm....no.....we just want his days and nights to be filled with remorse and unhappiness.

Divorce should be final by next week...or so we are told by Attorney. Once we have our maiden name back we can finally proceed with all the necessary changes and documents for our extended trip to England. We are very excited!
We have many other thing to do as well....sell the furniture awarded to us, go home for Thanksgiving to say goodbye to our family, and lots of other last minute details.

So there it is...our update.

Peace and Love to all!

"us"

The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".

WHY, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??????

Why do I never get a break? What the hell have I done so wrong in my life, that all of this crap is happening to me?

My sentence - 1 year probation (reporting probation), random drug and alcohol testing, oh, and at my own cost, must go back into counseling, oh, and again at my own cost, paid a fine of $700.00 and am not allowed in any bars. WTH? The Judge entered this sentence per the recommendation of the Probation Officer I interviewed with for exactly 30 minutes! Well, I spoke up! I told the Judge I have plans to move out of the Country, before the end of the year. He asked where was I moving to, told him, he said he has no problem with that.
But first I must get a Mental Health Assessment...wtf! I've been in counselling as my own choice for a long time. Then I must show a letter of Sponsorship from the person I will be living with in England, and they will either change my probation to a mail in..or possibly drop it. All of this...for what? I have never harmed anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So the lying creep gets away with everything! I hate him...with such an intense hatred it boggles my mind. He has caused me anguish, and also my family and friends. May he rot in hell!!!!

So folks that's it!

I will write again on the day my divorce is final so I may celebrate the occasion with all of you, who have supported me always. All of you are so awesome!

S

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".

ALMOST AT AN END!

Hello everyone! Been long time since writing...so sorry...just so much going on.

Last week, was court for divorce and settlement of property. Husband made huge ass of himself, by saying unkind and untrue things about me in front of his Attorney and mine. I remained calm, when answering any insults he threw my way...that pissed him off! Will have my maiden name restored. Divorce should be final in less than 30 days! YAY!!!!

So furniture was divided. I do walk through house this coming Wednesday, and place sticky notes on my personal items. Have no idea when I can finally box things up and move them to storage...but hope very soon.

Today is my sentencing for Probation. Oh please do not give me probation!!!! I want to get out of this area as soon as I can. My Attorney thinks I will get a fine only...,but it is a crap shoot...so will let you know what happens.

Got to go..nearly time to leave for court.

Oh and Meri.....yes I know NF is just beautiful....but do you really want "stuck" with all of us? LOL!!! You are a sweetie!

Love to all...thank you so much for your support.

"us"

The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".