We are back from another session with Doc. For whatever reason, we feel today was counter productive. We feel....hopeless.
We presented him with our posts from this week. We asked that he read just the Post about Transference (for now), written by Susannah. While we sat there watching him read, we all started nagging The Woman. "I want to talk today!" " No you talked last week!" "Well I have something important to tell Doc!" "Your stuff is no more important than mine!" We were relentless. After Doc completed reading, he apologized for upsetting everyone last week, explaining it was not his intention to do so. By the time he was finished apologizing, giving us examples of Transference, relating a story about a colleague, who had gotten "involved" with a former patient....well NO ONE wanted to talk! We looked at him, he looked at us......long silence.....then bless her heart Susannah spoke up. She spoke of our current situation and marital status, cussed quite a bit...then she went back to the chambers. I barely remember getting through the rest of the session. In my opinion, this is not working. Once again we have the feeling, Doc is expecting MORE from us, than we know how to give. We don't mean to place any blame here. We can not get it out of our head, that we are expected to "act" in some particular way and are not meeting the expectation! WTF! So we took off and went to the chambers, leaving The Woman, sitting there, not knowing what to do! Perhaps, we should just stop wasting every one's time and just stop Therapy. We muddled through years without it. Yeah sure, our lives were always in turmoil, many blank spaces in memory, losing time...but that is still going on now...so what is the point in going back? If it would only rain! We feel so comforted, when it rains. We just want to sleep...forever. We know a way to do that...and it would sure be forever! We could stop all of this confusion once and for all. But then what about the "little ones", the innocents living in the chambers. We don't want to hurt them. They have endured enough pain. Well, we could do it with pills! Then everyone would just go to sleep and there would be no pain. You are so right! Pills would be THE way! First we have to have a plan. We don't want that guy coming home and finding us in time to help us. Hell, no! Then we would end up in the Nut House and no one wants that...ever again. We feel so depressed and so hopeless. There is no other solution! We tried working on our issues....but to no avail. We can't please anyone...not even ourselves. Ending it is the only way...........
Sarah~ and "others"
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
