We have been working so hard to gain understanding of "our" condition. Yet, at times, like right now, we feel we are losing, instead of reaching that point of knowledge. It's not exactly the concept of 'splitting' that gets in our way, it's more the internal communication bringing us down. Since yesterday, we feel physically ill, beaten down and unable to manage daily chores. Our head aches, our tummy is queasy and we have no energy. Last night we were unable to sleep. Sounds of whispering and crying would not allow us to sleep. If the parts of me want to communicate, why don't they just do so? We know we live in one body, but are still separate entities. Why can't we just share our memories, our thoughts? In "T" we learned when an alter is ready (meaning without fear) their memories will be shared. When? How long does this process take? Why do we sit in "T" and hide behind "The Woman"? We trust and respect our Doc, so what stands in the way of speaking up? Why do we feel embarrassment? Why do we feel shame? Are we "stuck" in still thinking everything that happened was "our" fault? Nothing feels right. Nothing feels real. "us"
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
