"Alters"

I accept that I have "alters". I thank and appreciate them. They took on the pain and protected me. But....it is still all so confusing to me. Where did their names come from? Must all "alters" have names? Do "alters" remain the same age as when they came to be? Are all "alters" of the same sex? Why do some "alters" speak about the suffering they experienced when other "alters" keep their memories locked up? What happened to "me", am I still here? Am I "The Woman" who takes us to Therapy? Do the "alters" believe they are real? Oh wow, that question just started a full blown attack on my brain! Let me put it another way. Do the "alters" remain forever.... oh ouch......that's not working either........
Let's see if we can work this out.
When the Incest was perpetrated, an "alter" was born to protect who....me? Am I the 'core'? I understand that we all live in this one body. I just can't wrap my brain around the conception of the "alters" and how it relates to me....in a physical sense. Are you confused....because I am!

it was me, melinda1.

Time for a Poem.

"MIRROR"

When I look into a mirror
It's not me I always see.

Sometimes it's a grown up Lady
Looking back at me.

Most of the time she's crying
I don't know what to say

So I give her a little push
And I come out to play.

I like to swing or color
Or write poems, just like this

Or hide things from the "others"
And laugh when they are missed.

The times when I am so afraid
I'll lose myself, as me

I look into the Mirror
And no face is there to see.

MElinda - grades 1 through 6 ~~

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".

It Really Ticks Me Off!

When abuse begins early in childhood, the child's oneness of Spirit is broken. The child no longer has imagination, trust, innocence and it distorts and changes decision making for a life time.

It really ticks me off!~ Our relationships have never worked! Making decisions involve so many different voices, it becomes just about impossible to come to a consensus, and usually, the decision finally decided upon is the wrong one. Nothing seems to work to our advantage....ever! Our main goal in life was to survive. Our path in life was broken, into many pieces. Just as a mirror shatters when battered repeatedly, so did our purpose in life.

If we had not been abused....what would we have been? What accomplishments in life could we have seen? What beneficial changes could we have made in this troubled world? You are most likely thinking.....well you were abused and that is one thing you can not go back and erase. No, we can not change the past. We can move forward, we can heal and mend our broken life. Yes, It really ticks me off, but it is what it is.

We do agree that out of all the bad events, our Poetry emerged and we are grateful!

We are sharing one of our Poems with you. This was written, during a manic phase of writing, author.....unknown.

"LIFE AT THE AGE OF SEVEN"

Hopscotch and jump rope,
Sharing secrets with a best friend.

Nightmares, terror in the night,
Silent screams clutch at the soul.

Popcorn and P.J. parties, giggling,
Knowing the true joy in life.

Incredible sadness, being alone,
So confused about what is real.

Reaching out with trust,
Being touched and feeling love.

Deep hate brings trembling,
It swells, pressure from within.

Creative, aware of one's uniqueness,
A tiny bud, impatient to bloom.

Loss of imagination, a world
Of make believe.

Old before one's time,
No longer innocent.

Happiness, excitement, joy, anticipation,
A love of life...contentment.

Death, pain, betrayal, fear, no feelings,
Blank, away and numb.

Hope, choices, laughter, self-love,
Feeling free and owning spirit.

A lost soul, hopeless and trapped,
A child no more....alone in the rain.

"Us"~~~~~


"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".