"Things People Say"

I got this idea, for this post, from a Blogger Friend, who is also a Multiple. The following is a list of 'what is meant' to be helpful and supportive words by friends and relatives, aware of my diagnosis, and the feelings, these words, cause within me.



"Your life is what you make it"
my life is in turmoil because I made it this way? = Blame

"You are the only one that can change your life"
give me the set of instructions and I will do just that = Blame and Helplessness

"Don't talk about your Mother that way to me"
did I make this stuff up? = Not being believed

"All of 'that' is in the past...just get on with your life
'all of that' IS my life = Worthless and confused

"You were the oldest, you should have told someone"
17 months older and was threatened with death = Blame, Shame and Loss

"I have known you for years, I never saw any other personalities"
did you ever really look, or care = Non-Validation and a Freak

"Give your life over to God, and you will be healed"
why didn't God stop the incest and violence = Fear and hopeless

"Everyone has different personalities, they use at different times"
they do? do yours lose time, whisper to you, hide things from you = Minimized

"Kids today, need their asses slapped"
yeah...let's just beat them until they bleed = Disbelief and sorrow

"Your Dad was hit in the head, he changed after that, became mentally ill"
no..he was a Pedophile, and a rapist and a bastard = Anger and Rage

"Your Mother did not have a very good life, you know"
so it's okay that she made mine a living hell = Unworthy of love

"You feel sick because you are a rotten, bad girl"
it's called 'acting out' and a clear sign of abuse = Ignored and Neglected

"Wetting the bed at your age is just stupid and disgusting"
see me, look at me, ask me...what is wrong = Frustration

"I called you last week, but you seemed uninterested"
you did? don't remember the call = Embarrassed and Blame

"It was a Kidney Infection, that is why you were raw and could not pee"
so I get catheterized at age 5, after being incested = Pain and deserving of pain

"Your Sister treats everyone like that, it's just not you"
and that's okay? I have no reason to feel hurt? = Abandonment

"Do you talk about me in therapy? (Mother)
oh no, never...why do you think I'm in therapy = Angry and Boundary issues

"You need to get out of that house and go places"
and "switch" in public, people staring and judging me = Depressed

"If this Dr. is not helping you, find another one"
he is helping me! you just don't or won't try to understand = Anger

"Don't cry, that doesn't solve anything"
crying is a release of the pain and I need to cry = Dismissed feelings

"You need to exercise more, it will give you back your energy"
if I could move, if I had any motivation, if I was not so afraid = Judged

"Why can't you sleep, something bothering you"
pounding headaches, stomach pain, my unhappiness = Whiny, complaining

"Forgiveness for those who hurt you, that is what you need to do"
yeah, well screw you, I'm not ready to forgive = RAGE

Peace
Susannah~

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".

"Agoraphobia" - Living in a Fish Bowl

Definition: The word agoraphobia is derived from Greek words literally meaning "fear of the marketplace." The term is used to describe an irrational and often disabling fear of being out in public.

Agoraphobia is best understood as an adverse behavioral outcome of repeated panic attacks and subsequent anxiety and preoccupation with these attacks that leads to an avoidance of situations where a panic attack could occur.

Strange, now that I look back, I remember my first personal "meeting" with Agoraphobia. I was in grade school. Being a Catholic, required leaving school every Thursday afternoon and attending Catechism. On one of these afternoons, the girl, standing beside me, fainted. In my child's mind, I thought she was dead. In complete terror, I ran from the Church, directly to the "Haunted House". Rationally, I knew I would not find comfort or understanding there, but I had no were else to go.

From that point on, lasting for several months, it was a fight every Sunday. I refused to go to Church. I was punished repeatedly. The beatings, the screaming and yelling did nothing to calm my extreme fear! "What was I afraid of", "Did I realize God would send me directly to Hell", "You are nothing but a stupid brat" were the ways in which my family dealt with my all consuming fear. I dealt with my fear in a completely different way....I dissociated. I blocked out the rantings, the beatings, all I wanted and needed was understanding and comfort. Someone to tell me what I was experiencing was okay, that it would pass.

Today, I leave my home only when absolutely necessary. I see my Doc once a week. I run errands only when my Husband can not. I do not visit friends. I do not socialize. I stay hidden away in my home. I dread the Spring and Summer that is eminent. There will be yard work and summer get togethers with friends. My Grandson's baseball games. The fear that I experienced long ago, engulfs my very soul, just thinking about all of these things, which require leaving my home. I don't want this. I want to be outgoing and create new memories with my family and friends. I don't want to live in a Fish Bowl the rest of my life!

The Doc and all of "us" are working on this in my sessions. I pray we find the answer, and a solution, that will allow me, once again, to enjoy life, family and friends.

Rainbow~~~

Pray for the many trapped in their lives by this disabling phobia!


"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".