I got this idea, for this post, from a Blogger Friend, who is also a Multiple. The following is a list of 'what is meant' to be helpful and supportive words by friends and relatives, aware of my diagnosis, and the feelings, these words, cause within me.
"Your life is what you make it"
my life is in turmoil because I made it this way? = Blame
"You are the only one that can change your life"
give me the set of instructions and I will do just that = Blame and Helplessness
"Don't talk about your Mother that way to me"
did I make this stuff up? = Not being believed
"All of 'that' is in the past...just get on with your life
'all of that' IS my life = Worthless and confused
"You were the oldest, you should have told someone"
17 months older and was threatened with death = Blame, Shame and Loss
"I have known you for years, I never saw any other personalities"
did you ever really look, or care = Non-Validation and a Freak
"Give your life over to God, and you will be healed"
why didn't God stop the incest and violence = Fear and hopeless
"Everyone has different personalities, they use at different times"
they do? do yours lose time, whisper to you, hide things from you = Minimized
"Kids today, need their asses slapped"
yeah...let's just beat them until they bleed = Disbelief and sorrow
"Your Dad was hit in the head, he changed after that, became mentally ill"
no..he was a Pedophile, and a rapist and a bastard = Anger and Rage
"Your Mother did not have a very good life, you know"
so it's okay that she made mine a living hell = Unworthy of love
"You feel sick because you are a rotten, bad girl"
it's called 'acting out' and a clear sign of abuse = Ignored and Neglected
"Wetting the bed at your age is just stupid and disgusting"
see me, look at me, ask me...what is wrong = Frustration
"I called you last week, but you seemed uninterested"
you did? don't remember the call = Embarrassed and Blame
"It was a Kidney Infection, that is why you were raw and could not pee"
so I get catheterized at age 5, after being incested = Pain and deserving of pain
"Your Sister treats everyone like that, it's just not you"
and that's okay? I have no reason to feel hurt? = Abandonment
"Do you talk about me in therapy? (Mother)
oh no, never...why do you think I'm in therapy = Angry and Boundary issues
"You need to get out of that house and go places"
and "switch" in public, people staring and judging me = Depressed
"If this Dr. is not helping you, find another one"
he is helping me! you just don't or won't try to understand = Anger
"Don't cry, that doesn't solve anything"
crying is a release of the pain and I need to cry = Dismissed feelings
"You need to exercise more, it will give you back your energy"
if I could move, if I had any motivation, if I was not so afraid = Judged
"Why can't you sleep, something bothering you"
pounding headaches, stomach pain, my unhappiness = Whiny, complaining
"Forgiveness for those who hurt you, that is what you need to do"
yeah, well screw you, I'm not ready to forgive = RAGE
Peace
Susannah~
"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".
6 comments:
Susannah, well done...thanks for sharing your list. Good positive points to conquer! ((((safe hugs))))
wow, what a wonnnnderful post. you so clearly and so well point out how these "helpful" comments can be hurtful as well. what an empowered and validating of your own feelings post :)
i found a wonderful blog yesterday about healing and forgiveness and it points out how when people push us to "forgive" it can make things worse. she points out how trying to forgive before true healing has taken place can instead be more damaging. it points out that in order to heal, other things such as validation, mourning, anger, and setting boundaries are important. i don't know if you have encountered this blog yet or not or if you will like it too, but i thought i'd share it with you because i found this woman's perspective very honoring, empowering and healing.
http://healandforgive.blogspot.com/
((safe hugs to you all)))
Hi Susannah,
Your post will be very helpful for people surrounding you, I think.
Maybe they think before they give their comments (even if they want to help you).
Safe hugs,
Barbra
great list
JBR - you always come by with soothing words and we love and appreciate you. we know how much pain and confusion you are going through, yet you never forget to come over and give us safe hugs..ty.
MM - girl....thank you so much for your word....we are going to take a look see at the blog you feel will help us with some many issues...love you and hugs...
Barbra - so happy we are to see you again....hope you hv decided to start writing your own blog...we look forward reading it someday soon. we miss you went we dont see you so please come back soon....safe hugs to you.
jumpingpuddles - we are in awe of all of you and your writing. feels so good to really relate and see our ups and downs in your posts....and all of you make us laugh...you crack us up...and we need that. thank you for coming over for a visit.
of course~ :) i hope you like that blog. but i know we are all different and so each need to hear different things. much of what she writes is so compassionate and resonant for me. i love what that woman is writing. so i wanted to share just in case it might be helpful for you too~
((safe hugs))
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