"Apparently I Am Invisible"

Have you ever felt as if you were invisible?

Countless times in my life, I have been in a small crowd of women, all talking, laughing, conversing about life in general. All seems to be going along just great, until I try to add to the conversation. Apparently, I become invisible. They go on talking, as if I have never said a word. No one glances my way. So I wait for another opportunity, another subject, perhaps one that I feel my comments would be appreciated. All to no avail, I am ignored and I am so very hurt. Immediately, I begin worrying that "someone" has come "out" and said something totally alien to the subject at hand. Eventually, I just stop making any attempts to be in the conversation. This has been happening to me since I was a child. Now I know I am not the most intelligent, or interesting, or humorous woman in the world. But I am here! I am not invisible! I gave up years ago trying to come to some plausible explanation as to why this happens. However, that does not mean it no longer hurts....because it does, so much so, that I attribute these incidents as being part of my Agoraphobia.

At this point in my life, I am on-line....a lot! I belong to a group, and we are all friends, although we have never met. It's a forum, open to any and all conversations. Someone will post, then another will add their comments to that post and it then becomes a conversation. Once again, I become invisible! Why???? Today, I posted, in a loving gesture, to someone who has just lost a loved one.....nothing.....no thank you....nothing. Right after me, someone else writes a post and immediately that post is acknowledged! No, I am not paranoid, this is happening. No, I am not invisible, I am here! More importantly, I can read what I have posted, and it is relevant to the subject, which reassures me that "someone" else has not come "out" and written something off subject. Therefore, I am being ignored...but why? I blame myself, of course, that is what comes natural to me. I begin to question myself...what have I done wrong? Am I weird? Am I unlikeable? Have I ever been, well mean to this person? Did something happen between us of which I have no memory? I can tell you this. I have had it! I am completely finished with this particular person. I will never post or relate to her in any way again.

My conclusion.....I AM NOT INVISIBLE!

Susannah~~

"The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body and although we repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated. our perceptions confused and our body tricked with medication. But someday the body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth".